i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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