Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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