Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
