We're like a lot better than the average bears
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize