Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
