gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
