im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
