just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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