His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
