I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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