wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
