I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
