did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
