Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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