Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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