Banned from zoo.
Again?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
