i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ttyl tear gas
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
