You just made me feel so damn special
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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