K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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