non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
