was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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