If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
