I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize