She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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