Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
