My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
