dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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