I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
