I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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