i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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