she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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