Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
bring money and cleavage
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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