he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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