the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
