Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
