you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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