yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
