You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize