Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
