Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
