Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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