you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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