I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
