Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize