just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
