just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
