He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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