All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
BRING THE BAGELS
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
