If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
