I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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