Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize