I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
