no, he came in my armpit
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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