Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
