Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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