woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
