wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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