you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
