you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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