I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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