If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
