he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
