I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
