Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
