YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
