homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
