Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
