sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize