Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Its about making memories worth repressing
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
