totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
