Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
