babies were throwing up all over the place
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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