Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
