I want to make a zoo with you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
