Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
