Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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