You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
