I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
