Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize