actually, I'm a sock model
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
