I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
