The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
