Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
