Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
