Porn is love you can see.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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