okay pat passed out under dana's car
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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