My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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