Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
