i barfeds in our rink
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize