you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
