Need sex. Gaining weight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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