I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize