she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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