can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How's work?
Spinning.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize