i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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