Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
vagina is talking i cant
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
