Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
