just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
